Thoughts on motivation

I hit a stumbling block somewhere between spring training for work and the real start of classes. I hit the ground stateside feeling like I was ready to get right back to work, start churning out ideas, creating fabrics.  I was full of motivation and oomph. And now I don't have it.

We had a false start to the semester with our first classes canceled due to extreme weather (which was a laugh, hardly enough snow to slip on let alone close the University) and then Martin Luther King, Jr. day was also a closure. Given my schedule of classes only on Mondays and Wednesdays my first full week of class didn't happen until this week. And then we had a half-day snow cancelation. All the extra time seemed like a boon. A little more time to soak in the peace before the coming storm. Instead it seems to have sapped me on oomph.

I have a few ideas about where the hesitation is coming from. Something called thesis and something else called graduation. Perhaps that one called moving. It's a childish reaction to the inevitable approach of our future. If I don't act like there is a lot of pressure I don't have to admit to the many large changes coming my way.

What is it with me and making big changes tied to graduation? High school- graduate, parents split houses and I fall in love with my supposed summer fling. College- pack up my life, my show and store it all in my Mom's crawl space, hop on a plane 10 days after graduation and fly to Africa to join the Peace Corps. Grad school (projected)- move to Minnesota, drawing my 11 years in Philly to a close, re-commence life as a grown-up.

No reason to be in a slight case of denial, right?

Objectively I know that I am doing well. I have a warp on one of my looms ready to go. I have 4 designs for jacquard that I know will work moving forward with my thesis collection. I love writing and actually look forward to articulating the ideas behind my thesis development. I have made my weaving appointments and even laid out yoga and grocery days through the end of February.

This weekend I go to NYC, barring more extreme weather (which I hear may be on the horizon, boo) for a little museum visiting with friends and family. It should be a whirlwind of art, shopping and visiting. And then, then I will buckle down, nose to the grindstone so that by Spring Break I will feel comfortable and in the clear. Yes.