The culmination of all this

Our show opens today! Running from May 9th-May 15th you have the unique and limited-time opportunity to see what it is I've been up to all the months (*cough, years!) of grad schooling.  Contact me through the comments section if you are interested in a show guide and we can arrange a time for you to see and such. 

It's been an exciting and crazy semester. Graduation finally feels imminent. I have begun having my first waves of anxiety in the approach of this huge transition. Unlike graduating from college I know more this time around. I understand the finite-ness of this experience. I know what it is like to "only" have a job instead of a job and full time school and life and, and, and. While there are certainly things I have spent grad school looking forward to about life after school (regular schedule, less all-consuming work, no 3am wake-up calls) there are certainly others that I know I will miss. I miss them from undergrad, too.  Working in the studio, my studio-mates, the freedom of experimentation, the safety net that if this or that collection or object didn't work out I could always make the next one better through the lessons learned on this one. 

To put it it in the charming vernacular, this sh** just got real. 

And a few countdowns.

Submit Thesis- 4 days
Close buildings for work- 23 days
Commencement- 26 days
House hunting trip- 37 days
Arrival in Minneapolis- 73 days

I am very excited for days 26-72. :)

Birthday Week

I'm not sure what I thought it meant to be a grown-up when I was little. I do remember having one of my mom's old purses and filling it with very important things: crayons, a doll, a snack. I remember thinking, "I can't wait to have a checkbook to put in here..." because it seemed like a grown-up thing to do. What I couldn't conceive of, however, was not needing toys and fun things in my bag. I mean, what would I do? How would I stay occupied if I didn't bring toys?
This week is my birthday. In high school I would have seen myself in a very different place than I am but I also couldn't have foreseen all of the things I have done between now and then. Even in college I didn't think I would be in school again. And here I am, finishing my masters and contacting movers and trying to pin down the last bits of my thesis.
I am very excited to give myself the gift of completing my thesis for my birthday. I have only to take and place 2 photos into the document and then it will be finished and ready to submit. I asked one of my professors to read and give feedback on the written work at this stage and her biggest criticism seemed to be that although the information in the thesis is very personal to me I manage to hold the reader at arm's length from knowing me. I try to take every piece of feedback into consideration when making edits. Consider it, but perhaps not always make changes because of it. In considering her feedback I wrote this closing:

• One last note on dobby constructions and the experience of making these fabrics: it felt really good. Stumbling across the idea to paint on unwoven warps (it seemed almost taboo, what if something dripped? What if the loom got marked up? What if....?) was a huge turning point. It made the loom a blank canvas. Instead of feeling boxed in by the harness draw (and the unattractive idea of having to redraw in order to get more flexibility) it unleashed something. For this collection it was well-suited to creating croquis, small sketches that catch ideas like the tiny bits of fuzzy memory we are never quite sure are real. Sitting down each time to create the next drawing or painting gave voice to something new. It gave me freedom to push. 

Painted dobby construction, inspired by handkerchief embroidery

Philly Row House jacquard fabric, this city has made a big impression on me

Buddy at Work jacquard fabric, inspired by photos of my grandfather

Correspondingly Yours, postcards and handwritten notes

Jane on the Ocean, I wish my Grandma could see this one 

inspired by vintage graphic design and advertising

plaid created by painting on the unwoven warp

fuzzy and crazy and fun to touch

postage stamp dobby painting

like rustling crinolines...

Despite all the craziness of mentally preparing for a cross-country move, finishing school and the mental preparation for leaving this style of working for re-entering the 'real world' workforce this has been a really good year. My friend Amanda helped fill in the missing piece to the why-is-this-working? equation. She pointed out that in all of our plotting and planning and anticipating that we forgot to consider the idea that we have actually gotten really good at what we do. The energy put into risk taking is totally different, we have the skills to make better leaps. I thought this last push would be draining but instead it has felt freeing. It's pretty awesome. 

Been awhile. This is me getting clear to my elbows.

Seeing the far side of Spring Break rear up I feel... fine. Surprised to feel that way, too. I've been towing the line on my semester plan and at every turn it has seemed a mountain of work but no tears, no pain, some frustrations sure but nothing that made me feel those wonderful anguished pangs of yuck.

Prior to leaving I was struggling with one of my fabric patterns. The new colorways came off of the loom and holding the goods I thought, "Ugh, this still isn't working. It's not fitting. I'm pushing it too hard." Then, one magical and relaxing week and a gentle helping of perspective later... it's perfect. Needs some washing to get rid of some technical issues but as a design, as color work, it works. It drapes beautifully. It's a design based on postcards and handwritten notes with spots of color where the stamps and signatures would be. It's amazing what a little time off can do for you.

My thesis is brought to you by the concept of Familial Nostalgia: the compulsion to make, preserve and share memories. Given my desire to evoke a range of emotional responses it seemed appropriate to work in a vintage color scheme that would tie into the act of remembering itself. Colors that evoke rummaging in your grandparents' attic, flea marketing, family albums and other such things. To achieve that effect I first assembled a color palette of actual objects.

An excerpt from the written document thus far:
"More than simple color swatches each material choice speaks volumes. The weight, luster, color, texture, transparency or opacity of an object gives it meaning. Considering how to evoke emotional, gut reactions it made sense to include a variety of textures, colors and constructions unique to specific end uses. Rough, charcoal-colored wools inspire memories of old school jumpers, nubbly, blue tweeds bring airline stewardesses and women’s day suiting to mind. Cool and shiny metal zippers speak to a kind of craftsmanship seldom seen on store shelves today. The very touch and sounds of these material objects sets the stage for the experience or memory and nostalgia. Other materials to suggest delicacy: the soft drape of an embroidered hankie, tiny holes worked into eyelet lace. Soft, printed leather giving a surprising pop of color like the feeling of finding the kid gloves your grandmother tucked into her top drawer. Overall tones of warmth and comfort help reinforce the positive qualities of memory.

Color creates associations. More than just warm tones to create positive feelings an overall yellowing helps to further reinforce the sensation of time passing, objects left behind and the act of remembering. Like old books and photos that yellow and curl around the edges this same muted tinge was an important quality to capture in a range of fabrics. More than tea staining or using shades of yellow itself it became important to find ways to blend colors so that they were softer, dustier. Like opening a trunk in the attic and seeing light spill over objects long folded away color was the first step in creating a strong sense of time, place and emotion."

I hope to post up some pictures of the works in progress soon. Every now and then I feel a little breathing room, see a few more things checked off of the long to do list and get to feeling more confident in the end result.

Got any pearls of wisdom to bestow on a lady working on her graduate thesis? Wing 'em at me!

An adoptive hope chest.

Are you familiar with the concept of the Hope Chest? For all things there seems to be a wiki, so... Why do I bring it up? Well, for many years I have had an interest in adopting. One of the many benefits offered by the company I am going to work for is an adoption reimbursement program (partial). In contemplating accepting the job offer I admit the idea of a company who supports adoption in such a pointed way was deeply encouraging. I know it is an expensive process. Though I've heard rumors that the whole having kids enterprise is a big money issue.

Anyhow. In my years of contemplating I've developed a bit of Blue Car Syndrome and occasionally toy with the idea of collecting items for an adoptive hope chest. Books, music, movies and objects that are about adoption stories. Something that would show my kid how special they are and that even though I didn't give birth to them it doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about them for a long, long time.

A few of the items I have in mind:
Meet the Robinsons (movie) - about a young boy who wants a family more than anything and has to travel to the future chasing a bowler-wielding maniac to learn about his place in the world










Martian Child (movie) - a widower pursues adoption of a young boy with special needs: he believes he is from Mars and fails to understand human culture











Despicable Me (movie) - a super villain, Gru, adopts a trio of ridiculously adorable kids as part of his plot to out-bad his super-villain competition. Turns out Gru is a sucker.

The Bean Trees (book) - a story of a young woman setting out on her own for the first time and getting handed a Native American baby in a dark parking lot. The story follows her evolution from young, spitfire woman to falling in love with this kid.

Pigs in Heaven (book) - sequel to The Bean Trees where Taylor (the mom) and Turtle (the adopted child) are confronted by the legal system of the Cherokee Nation, threatening to separate the two








There would be/will be other things.

89 Days

I have an app for my phone that gives me countdowns. You punch in the date of the impending event, give it a title and set it up with a snapshot from your library and it generates a day-by-day countdown until the event. Prior to my internship last summer I set the program to tell me how many days until I flew to Minneapolis. When I accepted the offer I created counts for Commencement and starting my new job. I am grateful that the program does not automatically update, you have to open it to make it update.

Today marks 89 days to commencement. And I've decided to take my panic and stuff it into a little box. And to wrap it in a list of 89 things to think about as commencement draws near.

1. I have a job lined up already,
2. in my field,
3. for a well-loved company,
4. who made an awesome offer;
5. that includes bangin' relocation.
6. Laura will come apartment hunting with me in May.
7. I get to travel to Idaho and California to see family in March.
8. I need to make dates with my parents more. 
9. My thesis is under way.
10. I love writing, so
11. my thesis is actually fun to work on.
12. I have lots of ideas for thesis:
13. I am weaving a new fabric this week &
14. starting drawings for the next jacquard.
15. I bought a Nook!
16. My Nook makes me read instead of watch TV. 
17. I am sleeping better without watching so much TV. 
18. I have a plan to get my cavities filled. 
19. Including an appointment for tomorrow. 
20. Spring semester = staff selection season
21. I will spend an awesome Thursday interviewing people for my job. 
22. I will get to be a giant ResLife nerd for interviews. 
23. Doing interviews makes my departure feel more real. 
24. My birthday is in April. 
25. It's a chance to have a party. 
26. I will have at least 2 parties before I move away. 
27. I like parties. 
28. I might buy a new dress for the parties.
29. I love dresses. 
30. I might be able to buy a smaller dress for the 2nd party. 
31. I have been on South Beach for 1 month. 
32. So far it makes me feel great. 
33. Yoga on Wednesdays is the balance I need in my week. 
34. Yoga on the weekends makes me feel like I can do anything. 
35. Including deal with short bouts of panic. 
36. Like learning I might have to move the week of graduation. 
37. Moving will mean having a bigger kitchen. 
38. And a bathtub. 
39. And hardwood floors.
40. I would also like a dishwasher. 
41. Though I would settle for more counterspace. 
42. And possibly a deck.
43. Spring is coming. 
44. The perfect time to read outdoors. 
45. Our campus looks gorgeous as the seasons shift.
46. It will be warm here sooner than in Minnesota. 
47. I will get to show Laura what the city is like. 
48. It will be like going on vacation. Kinda ;)
49. I get to spend the semester immersed in studio work. 
50. I get to weave on the jacquards every week. 
51. I have the best commute I've ever had. 
52. I look forward to having 1 job.
53. I will miss being in the studio. 
54. I will not miss 3am wake-up calls. 
55. I am going to invite family from all over to my show and to graduation. 
56. I will be able to show my family something they understand: beautiful fabric. 
57. I will be able to take my portfolio with me. 
58. I can show my portfolio through my website. 
59. On my Nook. 
60. Anywhere with WiFi. 
61. My car is paid off. 
62. If I pay @$1000/month for @10 years my student loans will be paid off.
63. I will have a master's degree. 
64. I had no idea where grad school would take me. 
65. Things have worked out incredibly well. 
66. Everything that was scary became something awesome. 
67. I will have a job that directly relates to my degrees.
68. I will be able to share that with people at my high school reunion. 
69. Which I will attend with 2 of my oldest friends. 
70. I will have time to spend with friends and family before moving away. 
71. I will be able to afford moving. 
72. I enjoy house hunting. 
73. I can make new curtains for my new place. 
74. I can't wait to have my family out to visit. 
75. I might have to buy a coffee machine just for them.
76. I have a ton of work to do between now and then. 
77. Like drawing
78. and packing
79. and mounting the show
80. and packing
81. and photographing
82. and updating my website. 
83. My staff this year is awesome. 
84. I get to spend the rest of the semester with them, too. 
85. I've met a ton of awesome people in grad school. 
86. Intelligent, talented, dedicated people. 
87. I never thought I would be here. 
88. Grad school has been an incredible challenge, 
89. and a blessing.

A tablet? An ereader?

I watched my parents open their new Kindles this past Christmas with such glee that it pushed my own desire to have a tablet/ereader up ahead of schedule. Initially I was interested in Apple's much-lauded ipad. It could do all the things I would want from such a device: ereader software (Kindle, Nook, Overdrive, you name it), web browsing (for personal pleasure and also as a lightweight, portable way to showcase my portfolio website) and play movies (after the airport debacle I now owe a small portion of my calm and sanity to netflix.) Also, a huge bonus, I could buy it through work.

But that Kindle. It's so light-weight, sleek, simple. I found that very attractive, too. Not to mention reading on the beach. (Although, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I would not be likely to bring an expensive electronic device to the beach for pleasure reading: sand, moisture, theft... no, thanks.)

I learned about Barnes and Noble's Nook Color and started thinking it might be the next best thing. Something between the ipad and the Kindle. Color and with internet capabilities. Smaller and lighter than the ipad. And then there was the price. $250 with expandable memory (Nook) v. $499 to start (ipad).

I spent a day going back and forth between Best Buy and B&N and the last time I left Best Buy I was convinced. I was going to get the ipad. It's so shiny, so pretty, can do a million things and I can pay for it through work. I walked into B&N to erase the last doubts and instead found myself shelling out for the nook. When it comes right down to it, I don't want to hold something as big as the ipad to read a book while riding the bus. B&N has a SDK out for app development and that was enough to give me hope for netflix down the road.

So far, it's very pretty. I've loaded up on free books and started learning the ropes for borrowing ebooks from the library, too. The screen resolution is very good. It's comfortable to hold. My website looks awesome. B&N has a million titles and for wickedly  cheaper than paying for hard copies. So, I win.